On Being Strong

Strength is not anger. Nor is it suppressing sadness. It is not not crying, putting on a brave face, or pretending that you cannot be phased by anything ever. So do not tell me not to cry because I "must be strong", not to express sadness about my baby's too-early arrival and all of the procedures and pain to which she's been subjected, not to grieve for the loss of my pregnancy and the final weeks (months) of bonding with and preparing for my baby. Don't try to shut me down when I say that I am afraid, exhausted. Yes, I feel weak-kneed at times. At times, I feel like the very substance of me is leaving my body through a drain, as if I will wilt and never revive. At times, I holler and beat the walls and floors in despair. And yet, I summon myself up and forward in the face of all that-even with tears in my eyes, even with my heart clenched by trepidation and suffering. Don't tell me to be strong. Look to me and learn what true strength is.