Impossible Choices

Being a parent with a micropreemie in the NICU, you are faced with impossible choices. From the first, you struggle with whether to celebrate the birth of a new life or to mourn the too-early birth of a baby whose very survival and health are tenuous. Then the medical decisions begin. Yes to the PICC line or no? Yes to the transfusion or no? Steroids or bronchoscopy...or both? 

They are never clear choices. Being no expert, you hardly feel qualified to weigh them against each other. Your heart rebels against them all. Really, you usually don't actually have a choice. I think the doctor sometimes presents them to you just to let you into his or her (in our case, his) thought process a little. But it's usually not a real choice, unless the choice is allowing this risky thing to be done to your baby, which might make her better but could make her sicker, or not doing the risky thing, which will almost definitely end with her getting sicker. I guess I'll take door number one. As my 2-year old would say, "Scary, scary". 

Every day is very scary right now.